A Guy Walks Into The Coffeehouse In Heels And A Skirt

And then he does the standard plugging in of his laptop like the other "cool" people.No there is no punchline.This actually happened.I love San Francisco,though technically this happened in Berkeley.And I thought I left the window lickers behind when I left Los Angeles.I guess being a licker of windows is universal.At least the difference between coffeehouse yahoos in SF as opposed to LA is that nobody here is pretending to write a screenplay and the baristas aren't bad actresses or failed singers.One thing SF and LA coffeehouse flockers have in common is the panicked look they get when there is no place to plug in their laptops.Priceless.I'm hoping one of them will stand still long enough for me to take their picture.Now that's one shot that will definitely make my coffeetable book.On a totally unrelatable topic,I loved Big John's line on Rock Of Love last night:"I thought I told you NOT to be slutty and whorey" Really? Big John,you've been here all three seasons.Being slutty and whorey is what gets them on this show! That being said,I loved the stripper challenge on the Trailer Park Games.Fuck I am so shallow.

Rise Up Children Of The Beast (a coming of age tale)

After suffering through the shame that my first purchase of a record album (yes album) was the self titled Loverboy vinyl.You know the one with Turn Me Loose.Even worse,I still like it to this day.But this was the 1980's and one doesn't listen to Loverboy if one is to touch a member of the opposite sex.When my then partner in crime Brent called me up to say that he had that most bad ass cassette in his hands,I think I might have run the mile and a half between his house and mine in a dead sprint with blind anticipation.To say that the sounds coming from his speakers,via the mixed tape his cousin had made,were incredible would be putting it mildly.Who are and what was Def Leppard,Quiet Riot and Motley Crue? After consulting the current issues of Circus and Hit Parader magazines,I knew what I had to do to rectify my error in album judgement.Later at the record store in the mall,I knew my decision was the correct one when I got the nod of approval from the burned out stoner manning the cash register as I approached with my copy of Def Leppard's Pyromania.I felt cool instantly.The next week when I returned for Metal Health by Quiet Riot in newly bought (but heavily washed to get that faded look) jean jacket,I was now considered a "headbanger".I wore it the label like a badge of honor.My life truly changed when I strolled though the front door with the opus magnus that was Shout At The Devil by the most obnoxious rock n roll band alive:Motley Crue!The fact that mom and dad hated everything about them (from the pentagram on the album cover to their androgynous look) just made them even greater.Once word spread through my school that I risked a two week grounding for the Motley/Ozzy show and showed up the day after with my black concert shirt with actual tour dates on the back,my reputation as a rebel with a cause was cemented.Amusingly,the female attention in my direction increased sevenfold.The ladies will always love a bad boy.